Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
