Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.