every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"