i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
