Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.