If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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