I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
