maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
