yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
