I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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