I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
