call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
