Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
