When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
