I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
