maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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