The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
