Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dignity is for republicans.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
