I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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