Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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