my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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