if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
