Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
