Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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