So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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