So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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