So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You pole danced in your parka.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
