She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
