I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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