I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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