Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
