I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
