I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
