party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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