after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
