She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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