My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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