Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
