You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
