the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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