I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
