i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
