i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
