Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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