Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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