Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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