The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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