Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
