dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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