The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she woke up with a sticky ear
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
