Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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