Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
