I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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