My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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