fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
