I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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