Sponge bath it is.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so let's talk penis.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
