I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
