I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
