Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
