i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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