I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
