The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize