You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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