he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
