sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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