I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
