from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
