I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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