wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
