'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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