i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
