Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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