My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
