I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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