So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
