i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
