My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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