If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
